I love technology!

I'm so into digital photos. I know some people only like printed photos, but I love the fact that I, in between writing a review and updating a budget spreadsheet, can go browse through a bunch of old photos without leaving my desk. Here's one I found from a 2003 trip to Napa with Sari.



Is it possible that I was carrying all this today? It seems not, and yet this is the pile of crap I dumped at the top of the stairs when I finally made it home today at 8pm. Sure, I'd left work at 4pm, hung out at my mom's for an hour, gone to Weight Watchers, then gone out to dinner at a lovely restaurant called Woodhouse Fish Company. Meaning, it wasn't all work from 9am to 8pm. But there was an aspect of working-mom-ness to the whole day that was definitely reflected in the amount of STUFF I had to carry home by the end of the day. In this pile of crap, you'll find my wallet, which I lost not once, but twice, in the last 36 hours. In this pile of crap, you'll find not one, but two refrigerated cooler bags filled with not one, but two blue ice packets. In this pile of crap, you'll find not one, but two types of baby bottles, some empty and some full. Along with a laptop. And a water bottle. And a breast pump. With all its accompanying paraphernalia. Also, a credit card floating around unaccounted for. And a pay stub. And—what's that I hear? an MP3 ringtone! (the Pogues' "If I Should Fall From Grace With God" so it could be anyone)—somewhere deep in a crevice, unobtainable, especially when ringing, a cell phone. And a Baby Bjorn. And one sweatshirt that doesn't work well for breastfeeding, plus another that works better. You'll even find a tote bag filled with other tote bags. And that's just the big stuff.

What you won't find is a baby. That eighteen-pounder is in my other hand.

Like I said, working-mom-ness. Not an elegant word, which makes it all the more appropriate.


So many thoughts

I've already canceled this draft so many times because I can't come up with a post that I like. This is the week we ship our magazine, and we lost a day because of the MLK Jr. holiday, and our pagination got all switched around at the last minute, so I'm exhausted. But I want to write something (anything, clearly) and I can't let the vicious cycle of self-editing prevent that, so I am writing even though I'm not that happy with what I'm saying.

I missed this week's The Office. My TiVo messed up and I'm so distraught! Interestingly, I was not as distraught that it didn't tape Grey's Anatomy or Ugly Betty.

Also, I am freezing. This cold snap has gone on long enough, as far as I'm concerned. I think it's funny how the posts on the Golden Gate Mothers Group email list seem to be directly related to the weather. When it's raining, you see people asking for recommended roofing companies. When it's freezing, people are asking about furnace repair people. When it's windy, cold, and raining all at the same time, people want recommendations for where to get new windows. It makes me feel better, for no good reason, to have company in my misery. Somehow it's comforting to know I'm not the only one freezing in a drafty old San Francisco Victorian with rattling windows right around now!

Alex is asleep right now. Though I love being able to get some work done in the evenings and have time to myself, it is really sad to only have a few hours with him before and after work. I think this is only going to get a lot harder as he grows up and starts to be more aware. There are many things that are difficult about being a working mom, but that one is the hardest. I find myself reminiscing about my maternity leave when I could hang out with him all day. I keep telling myself that I am setting a good example for him just the way my mom set a good example for me. And by that, I certainly don't mean that working is "better" than not working. I only mean that being fulfilled in one's chosen path is good, and I happen to have a fulfilling job right now so that's the route I'm going. But it is SO hard.

Time for sleep. I always listen to Alex's breathing before I get into bed. I know that's probably a classic "first baby" thing and I probably will stop doing that at some point. But right now, I love hearing his breath and watching him sleep for a few minutes right before bed. They say babies need a ritual to help them get to sleep. I'm not a baby, but that's my bedtime ritual and I love it.


Five things

I'm tagging myself here because I feel like it. That's the beauty of blogs.

Here are five things you don't know about me, and I'm trying really hard to make these things that I am certain I haven't told anybody!

1. Lately I've started really enjoying the sound of a small group of people clapping. There's something reassuring and sweet about it. I also think it might have something to do with watching a lot of Wheel of Fortune on my maternity leave.

2. I do the Hocus Focus puzzle (the one where you find the six differences between two almost identical comic panels) in the Sunday comics section. And since Nick may already know that fact, I'll add something he doesn't know: sometimes I can't find the six differences without peeking at the answers.

3. I floss my teeth not once but twice. Unless I don't floss at all, which is about 10% of the time.

4. Mentally, I feel like I am back at my pre-pregnancy size. It's only when I absent-mindedly try to put on certain pre-pregnancy clothes, and they don't fit, that I realize I still have a lot of weight to lose.

5. I've been seeing phantom gray hairs when I look in the mirror. I hope this is sleep-deprivation-induced and not premonitory.

5.1 I often look up words before I use them in writing, even if I'm 99% sure I know what they mean. Like "premonitory."

And because nobody tagged me, I'll just leave it at that. That's the beauty of blogs.


Exactly as planned

This week was busy. We are still working out the right schedule with everyone (Tutu, Nick, me, and Alex--we all have our own needs and wants). Plus, we have electricians working on our house, which adds another level of coordination since they have all these unexpected problems we need to deal with. Then there's the holiday letdown. It's always sad dismantling the Christmas tree and putting all the decorations into storage for another year.

Even the weekend ended up filled with activities: Friday night Nick and I left Alex with SuperTutu and went out on our second childfree night, to our friends' house for dinner, and even though I only drank two glasses of wine, I felt terrible the next morning when I met Carrie at the Metreon to see Dreamgirls. I brought Alex with me, and while it was nice having him along, it did add a level of effort to what would otherwise have been pure entertainment. (Can't complain too much, though; he's really a great baby.) Saturday night I left Alex again and went to my college radio station, KZSU, which was having a 60-year reunion of a bunch of old friends (very fun).

So today I was happy to have only a few things planned: stay in my pajamas all day (well, I did change once...into a more comfy set of pajamas!), do laundry (have I mentioned how much I love our newly organized laundry room?), watch football with Nick (the Patriots won), play one of my review games for work (a stress-free party game), and hang out with Alex (the best thing on my to-do list, by far). I love having a day that turns out just as I planned it.


Happiness Exercise

Because I'm too tired to even contemplate writing anything real today, I'm going to focus on three good things that happened today:

1. Nick moved the little red chair from my mom's car into Alex's room. This little red chair has been through several of my mom's moves, having stayed at various times with her, my brother, and now us. It's that "comfy old chair" you just love to sit in, and I'm happy to be its guardian for the time being, especially since it will be in Alex's room and I'll get to rock him in it. Nick carried it up our stairs all by himself.

2. My mom stayed long enough and Nick got home early enough for us to watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune together, which is a new evening ritual I love. Nick and I watched Jeopardy and Wheel when I was in labor and needed easy, quick distraction, and I think I'll always associate it now with that special moment in my life. These shows are much, much more fun when watched in the company of others, and Tutu and Nick are the perfect buddies for this.

3. I balanced the checkbook, and we're in the black—always a good thing after the holidays.


Happy New Year

Since I enjoyed blogging every day in November so much, I'm going to try to write more in 2007. I'm not making bold resolutions like "I'm planning to blog every day in 2007." That would be utterly crazy. But doing something consistent each and every day does help me savor the moment more, which I'm finding is really important now that I have a baby who changes so rapidly day to day. So, I'm going to try to write more and enjoy the moment. Today we went to a big dim sum gathering my dad held in Alex's honor. He was a little star and got passed around and cuddled by lots of loving relatives and friends. I think it was a great first New Year's Day for him. But now we're both extremely tired. He's already in bed, and I'm on my way too. I hope we both sleep soundly!