4.19.2005

Yes, we have a Pope!

...and His name is Popeon the First!


4.09.2005

My 100 Things

1. My favorite thing to do is write.
2. My second favorite thing to do is eat.
3. I don't write enough and I eat way too much.
4. I'm growing a Meyer Lemon tree in a pot on my patio.
5. I'm also growing a bunch of other flowers from seed, and this morning the first ones sprouted.
6. I like being short.
7. I like wearing black.
8. I ride a scooter to work.
9. I don't feel that it's all that dangerous.
10. I love to travel.
11. I get homesick really easily.
12. I can converse in four languages: Russian, French, Spanish, and English
13. Of those, I sorta wish I could swap out Russian for Chinese.
14. I do fit in rather well in Russia, where the people are very soulful and melancholy.
15. I am a melancholy soul.
16. I have freckles.
17. I'm a fabulous singer.
18. I love karaoke.
19. I play piano, flute, cello, and guitar.
20. Stringed instruments intimidate me.
21. I like rainy days much more than sunny days.
22. I love to cook.
23. I'm not that great a cook just yet.
24. I'm a newlywed.
25. It was really hard for me to let go of all the things that didn't go as planned at my wedding.
26. Still, my wedding day actually was the happiest day of my life so far.
27. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that.
28. I believe there's an even happier day coming up.
29. I'm so detail-oriented that I keep checking the numbers on this list to make sure they're in the proper order.
30. I reorder the dishes my husband puts in the dishwasher.
31. I never complain to him about this, as I'm pretty sure "it's me, not him."
32. I accept he'll never do it my way.
33. I'm overanalytical.
34. The first time someone pointed this out to me, I was hurt and insulted.
35. It's taken me 10 years to learn that I can't change that quality in myself.
36. I'm finally learning to make it work for me, not against.
37. I'm often way too honest, especially on my blog.
38. I'm pretty sure only people who know me read my blog.
39. I'm a really tough editor.
40. I'm good at spelling.
41. I don't like to copy edit.
42. I can't help but copy edit.
43. I have extremely straight hair.
44. I have only recently realized how many women want straight hair.
45. I think if I had wavy hair, I'd probably just leave it wavy...
46. ...Because I'm really lazy when it comes to stuff like hairdos and makeup.
47. I think high fashion is truly a joke.
48. My favorite reality show is "America's Next Top Model."
49. I wish I were a faster reader.
50. I'm photogenic.
51. I love getting my picture taken.
52. I used to dream I'd marry a guy who loved to photograph me.
53. I've managed to surround myself with people who don't take many photos.
54. I have two cats.
55. I used to get up early, until I got cats who like to sleep late.
56. On my recent scuba certification dive, I saw a used condom on the bottom of the ocean.
57. My buddy thought it was hilarious; I thought it was sad.
58. I'm scared of having children.
59. I think I'll be a great mother.
60. I have an unusually great mother.
61. I'm much happier in clean, uncluttered spaces.
62. I'm not good at throwing things away.
63. I love keeping written, audio, and video records of my life.
64. Nostalgia is one of my favorite feelings.
65. I never get sick of Chinese or Italian food.
66. I do get sick of American, Japanese, and French food.
67. I like saving money.
68. For as long as I can remember, I've thought I had a pretty face.
69. I have naturally straight teeth.
70. I used to like hot dogs, but now I hate them.
71. I love macaroni and cheese.
72. Most of my favorite music is in minor keys.
73. I've written a couple of songs in my time.
74. When I'm in museums or galleries, I often feel I don't really understand art.
75. I've always felt I really understand music.
76. I think the Beatles are way better than the Rolling Stones.
77. I like Beethoven way better than Mozart or Bach.
78. I like Stravinsky way better than Beethoven.
79. Even though I understand that "comparisons are odious" I still love to make them.
80. I'm listening to Bach right now.
81. I have an unusually huge music collection.
82. I've only illegally downloaded a handful of songs, most of which were songs I already had bought at one point but didn't have in listenable format at the time.
83. Brisk walking is my favorite exercise.
84. I live in a cruddy neighborhood for brisk walks.
85. Earthquakes excite but don't scare me.
86. The largest earthquake I've experienced is the 7.1 Loma Prieta in 1989.
87. I was in the Soviet Union during the 1991 coup.
88. That day, military police showed up at my apartment door in Leningrad.
89. It was because I'd set off the apartment's silent alarm, not because they were about to take me as a political prisoner.
90. I've been to Cuba.
91. I think I lived through WWII in another life.
92. I'm not convinced I wasn't a Nazi.
93. I think German is a beautiful language.
94. I dream in color.
95. I grew up too fast.
96. At the time, I was utterly convinced I was growing up at just the right pace.
97. I prefer watching movies at home than in the theater.
98. I think there are lots of right answers to every question.
99. Even though I feel I should read this list over before publishing it, I'm not going to.
100. I could really go on and on.

4.04.2005

The Power of Optimism

Do you believe in the power of positive thinking? I, as Fox Mulder would say, want to believe. I definitely feel that those people who are honestly and genuinely optimistic enjoy life more and probably even have (or create?) better luck. But that's how it works for other people. Me, well...it's very much against my inner workings to just intuitively know and trust that things will work out. I have every reason in my wonderful life to believe that I will find great solutions, that it's perfectly all right to expect the best, that good things can absolutely happen. And yet, my first impulse is always to imagine all the wacky, weird, and worrisome things that could go wrong.

Right now I feel that I am truly being tested. There is something I am very much hoping will work out the way I want it to, and despite all my efforts (intense, sincere efforts!) to have faith, to believe, to put positive energy out in the universe -- whatever you want to call it -- what keeps coming back to me are worries, fears, and niggling little urges to do searches on Google for answers to all the hideous what-if scenarios floating around in my head. But for now, I'm resisting the urges, soothing the worries, and fighting the fears. I do believe!

It kind of makes me understand fundamentalist religious people who are constantly going on and on about their faith. I think that in those dark moments of doubt, saying you believe can help you really believe.